It’s almost annoying, but I think I’d like to start sharing my thoughts to the cyber world again, which is almost like the real world because all people do is go on their phones. As much as I don’t like interacting with the world all that much, I think maybe my voice can make a difference, as so many people think theirs do. I also have a lot of thoughts…a LOT of thoughts. Maybe other people are having the same, or would benefit from hearing mine. So I think I’m gonna try writing them down. Here. For you to see.
Today especially, I had the realization that I don’t need anything, nor do I want to need anything.
We come into the world with (hopefully) everything we need to survive. Ten toes, ten fingers, two legs, two arms, a torso, some lungs, some kidneys, a brain, and a heart (give or take a few other things). Other things we hopefully already have when we come out are people to take care of us while we’re still writhing little aliens to the world, a roof, and some food and water.
Some people don’t come with that, and that is truly unfair.
So how is it that most people, at some point along the way, forget that they haveeverything they need. Everything.
We get bored with ourselves. We start taking our miracle of a life for granted, thinking that there are additional life attributes that must be added in order for us to be…what? Loved? Enough? What’s enough?
If someone knows what “enough” is, please privately message me. We could keep it between us, if you’d like.
We start thinking:
“Lynn would be a better Lynn if she had a boyfriend”
“if she cut her hair”
“if she went to grad school”
“if her muscles were stronger”
“if she were the best dancer on earth”.
These thoughts start to wrap themselves around our brain and we forget completely that we have a heart.
We have ten fingers and ten toes.
We have two legs and two arms.
We have a torso.
A couple lungs.
KIDNEYS. We have kidneys.
But most importantly, we have a heart, constantly pumping life in and out of us, never stopping, never ceasing. Giving us moment after moment, chance after chance, breath after breath, to live. No matter what we do or what we use our breaths for, our moments for, it just keeps pumping, like it ain’t no thing. That kinda just blows my mind.
It’s why we get so relaxed and centered when we focus on our breath, on our heartbeat. It’s the constant, it’s the constant renewal.
I think that I’d like to, starting now, live as though I have everything I need. What would my life look like?
The truth of the matter is that, even if I have all those things that I think I need, they don’t really make me all that better. When I’m not thankful for those things that I long for, or when these things aren’t supposed to be in my life right now, it’s really hard to ignore. (but I do. all the time.) I stop trusting in the magnitude of time, in the fact that not everything can be at once, that there is a time and a place for all things, that I am not the same person I was five minutes ago and that’s good and healthy and right and means I’m a human, that my impatience and persistent chasing will only result in me rotating around in a circle like a Golden Retriever trying to bite its tail…so that it can realize it has one?